waiting in the "calm"

I've never been great at decision-making. In my 21 years, I've had most big decisions made for me, or I've made the simple decision that took the least thought. Choosing a college is the biggest decision that has come across my path at this point in life (to my immediate knowledge at this time). And when I decided a college, I had... one option. So I went to Faith. Wow, that was simple. :)

I was thinking the other day as I was frantically searching for any teaching job I could find, that I hate making decisions. I hate being in the position that means my future is in my hands. As I was stressing, and struggling with the seemingly downhill fight, I realized that my God really does know me better than I realize. I HATE making decisions. He knows that! Because of that (and probably countless other reasons), I haven't had to make any major ones! I've just "missed the boat." Those of you who have asked about my job hunt at any point this summer have probably heard about the schools in Texas, Minnesota, Indiana, and Colorado. Moving to one of those places would be a BIG DECISION. But God knew that I would either "jump on the wrong train" or stress too much about which one to take. So He removed the decision from before me and made it for me. :)

I kept thinking, "Oh great, I'm the one who can't find a job! Something is wrong with me. People are going to look down on me like I have the plague." But knowing that my future is in HIS hands, and that He is waiting for my readiness to show me where He wants me in the future. I get to wait on the Lord. :) If that is the only thing I'm learning, that's still a HUGE lesson that I always need work on. If I am doing my part in the job hunt, He will come through and provide exactly what I need, whether it comes in the form of a paycheck or a lesson in patience. I'm not wealthy by any means, and I'll be drowning in college debt for some time, my God has me in His hands. He is my provider. But more importantly than giving me the "perfect job" in my "perfect timing (which would've been months ago! lol)"... He is doing His part in teaching me how to be the "perfect child."

This has been a season of struggle, yet a season of peace. A season of frustration, yet a season of resting. A season of learning, yet a season of knowing that He knows best.

For those helping me in my "job hunt," as humbling as it tends to be for me, keep helping in whatever ways you can. Even the most "random" connection or word from the grapevine is how God works. And those ways are neat to see! But please don't worry for me. Don't grow anxious for me. I'm learning peace in the midst of a "storm" that is manifesting itself in the form of a huge, foggy lake where I can't see shore and I seem stuck out in the middle with no paddle... but I never know when current may carry me towards shore. I don't know how close shore actually is. I don't know which shore I'll hit first. But I know that this time in the boat just praying and learning and waiting has been good for me. He knows best and He has each of my days planned for me.

Psalm 139:16

Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Each day. Today, He knows that I'll keep looking for a job. Tomorrow, if He decides to give me one, He will. :) I'll do my part, and He has NEVER failed me.